


The End and the Beginning

by Cynicwithatwist



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, F/M, cathartically dealing with feelings (finally), post 3x11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:55:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6595612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cynicwithatwist/pseuds/Cynicwithatwist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“About what Alie said to you earlier,” Clarke starts, “you know it’s not true, right?  We’re partners, equals.  No one could have made it this far without your help, including me.  I’ve always needed you Bellamy, and I still do.  I can’t do this without you, can’t lead, not the way I want to.  Not the way that’s best for our people.”<br/>Bellamy swallows as something shifts in his chest.  There was a time he would have believed those words without question, but now he’s not so sure.  He wants to, oh he wants to, but something is holding him back.  <br/>Fear, he realizes.  Fear of being abandoned again, of being used.  Of finding out he doesn’t mean as much to her as she does to him because god he loves her, and that makes everything more difficult.</p>
<p>Or Bellamy and Clarke finally have a minute to talk after the events of Nevermore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End and the Beginning

The second Bellamy catches sight of her outside the cave he thinks he must be dreaming.  She couldn’t be here, the words of their last exchange still bitter on his tongue, regret burning his throat.  He had chased her away, as he did all good things, lost the girl with the sunbeam hair and cobalt fire eyes. 

We are but drops in an endless ocean, his mother always said, clinging on to all we love tightly until the tide rips them away.

The current had pulled Clarke back out to sea long ago.

They don’t get to truly talk until Raven is saved and they’re camped out in the woods near Arkadia.  Monty promptly curls up and goes to sleep upon arrival, newfound horrors etched in the taunt muscles of his face even after he drifts off.  Raven, Jasper, and Sinclair sit to the side of the fire quietly talking while Octavia sharpens her blade with her back to a tree.  The fact she positioned herself as far away from Bellamy as possible does not escape his notice, and his heart bleeds all over again for the distance between them.

“Bellamy,” Clarke murmurs, tapping his shoulder.  “Can you walk with me for a moment?”

In her voice he hears angels sing; cadences of melodies long forgotten, pure and bright and everything he’s not.  But there’s something else there too, a darkness that’s growing and growing, the same one that torments him for his decisions, reminds him of the blood staining his hands and mistakes that cannot be undone.

Perhaps he and Clarke are the same.

Perhaps it’s true; maybe there are no good guys.

He stands and they leave the camp.  No one follows.  The pair walk for a few minutes in silence, breathing in synch, pace matched just like old times, before the world crumbled around them and shook them to their cores.  Bellamy can almost believe they’re outside the dropship again, going to gather supplies or check the perimeter for unusual activity.

“About what Alie said to you earlier,” Clarke starts, “you know it’s not true, right?  We’re partners, equals.  No one could have made it this far without your help, including me.  I’ve always needed you Bellamy, and I still do.  I can’t do this without you, can’t lead, not the way I want to.  Not the way that’s best for our people.”

Bellamy swallows as something shifts in his chest.  There was a time he would have believed those words without question, but now he’s not so sure.  He wants to, oh he wants to, but something is holding him back. 

Fear, he realizes.  Fear of being abandoned again, of being used.  Of finding out he doesn’t mean as much to her as she does to him because _god he loves her_ , and that makes everything more difficult.

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way,” he replies gruffly.  They’ve stopped walking and though Clarke is watching him intently Bellamy refuses to meet her eyes.  “Sometimes if feels exactly like Alie said.”

_The good little knight by his queen’s side_ that sickly sweet voice taunts in his head.  _Too bad you were never that devoted to Gina._

Guilt washes over him from Alie’s final statement because in his heart he knows it’s true.  Gina was real, and Gina deserved better than a guy who would drop everything for another girl who had left him for months. 

Clarke moves in front of him, grasping Bellamy’s hands, thumb brushing over his injured knuckles softly.  He can’t avoid her eyes any longer so he meets her gaze, finding profound pain and hope weaved into the pools of blue that stare back at him.  There’s something else there too, a tenderness that beckons him to melt into her.

“I can’t keep doing this Clarke,” he finally chokes out, noticing the wetness collecting at the corners of his eyes.  “I can’t keep holding my breath every second in hopes you won’t walk away and leave me like you did before.  Don’t make me go through all of this again if you can’t promise to stay.”

Silence wraps around them.  Stretches on for eons.  Bellamy can hear the beat of his heart, just as unsteady as he feels.

In a span of seconds Clarke has her arms around him, fingers digging into the fabric covering his back, head buried against his chest.

“I’m sorry Bellamy,” she apologizes and this time the full weight of her words hit him, so different than the sorry he had heard in Arkadia.  “I never meant to abandon you, I didn’t realize… I won’t go anywhere.  I promise, I promise.”

He’s pretty sure she’s crying even though her voice is muffled against his jacket.  Bellamy wraps his arms around her, holding the girl who is both the end and the beginning as tightly to him as possible, breathing her in as if it’s the last time.

But it’s not, and that vow soothes some of the pain that’s been simmering in his veins for months. 

Bellamy opens his mouth, almost tells her he loves her.  With an exhale he stops himself, decides that’s a declaration that can be heard on another day.  Today it is meant to be felt.

“It’s ok,” he says instead, kissing the crown of her head gently.  “And welcome home, Clarke.”          

**Author's Note:**

> I'm dying for the moment we finally get to see Bellamy and Clarke talk, so I figured in the meantime I'd write my own take on such a discussion. This turned out super angsty, but I hope y'all still enjoyed it!


End file.
